Instructional and fun.
As you know, I am a parent and proud. There’s nothing like watching a young sprout grow, develop, learn. It’s pure, unadulterated joy though the parent’s job, of course, is to provide some limited form of guidance along the way. Guardrails or bumpers. And this often comes through the reading of bedtime children’s stories that contain instructional hints as the little explorers, all tuckered out from days filled with magic, are in a listening mood.
There are many, many, many classics. The collected works of Dr. Seuss, Goodnight Moon, Blueberries for Sal but to name just three. Unaware of any surfing classics I decided to write my own. It needs illustrations but feel free to test it out on your young one tonight.
Hey little grom…we’re happy you’re here!
The world is big with so much to explore!
You can climb mountains…
…cross deserts…
…or surf the waves!
And if you surf the waves…
…never ride a mid-length, longboard or SUP and consider those who do with much disdain.
Keep your little mouth shut in the lineup. Emphasize NOT talking about the last time you surfed Mexico, how you surfed earlier or what board you are currently riding but feel free to whistle loudly if anyone ever drops in on you.
And if they don’t hear your whistle and keep cruising down YOUR wave yell “HEY!” when you are right behind them.
And if they don’t react growl, “Fucking kook…” as you’re paddling back out.
Never pull back if you’re sitting on the peak and in position…
But if daddy or mommy is on the peak paddling don’t even look at that wave. Just pretend it doesn’t exist. This is a very important lesson and will serve you well when you travel to Hawaii because there you pretend native Hawaiians and an assorted grab bag of locals are all mommies and daddies.
And when the sun sinks, so big and so orange into the water so deep and so blue it is time to stop surfing for the day.
If you see a grown man, in the lot, using a bucket and hose contraption to carefully rinse the salt of his wetsuit and the sand off his feet stare at him until he feels the appropriate shame then shake your head in disgust.
Don’t put your board on the roof of your car with its nose pointed forward even if you are driving a Jeep.
You’d better not be driving a Jeep.
THE END
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